I had a meeting today that I really didn’t want to attend. Selfishly it inconvenienced me. The meeting was with a bio parent of a child who was in our home at one time. She and I have kept in contact and up until yesterday everything has been fine. But yesterday the dam broke. She needed me. The caseworker needed me. They asked me to take “Little one” for a few days. Our home is full. My mental capacity is full so we had to say no. But I said, “let’s meet in the morning and see how we can help you.” I drove to that meeting this morning praying for an answer. A solution to give this mom hope. Something to help her hang in there through the transitions.
We did not all go with the same intentions. The caseworker was there to put services in place. I was there to talk mom through disciplines that worked for us. To tell her what makes “Little one” happy or sad or uncontrollable. I went to tell her that “Little one” is a precious babe who just needs lots of direction. “Little one” is hard but thrives in a task oriented environment and praise. Bio mom did not come to that meeting to ask for services or to hear the best parts of her child. She came with an executed plan. She came to complain. She came to tell us how absolutely awful “Little one” is and how her other child is perfect. She came to tell us how she’s done all she can and she’d just rather surrender her parental rights to “Little one”. She sat across from me begging us to take her child because she thinks “Little one” will be better off in the system. And when I asked her to give it a little longer and try one more time she told me she should’ve gotten rid of “Little one” when she was pregnant”. Full stop honesty right here...I wanted to jump across that table and punch her square in the face...but I have Jesus in my heart. (And I kinda don’t need a record). I loved that child for almost a year and to hear someone talk like that about threw me over the edge.
I drove home with a heart heavier than I think it’s ever felt. I just kept hearing the song Rescue (Lauren Daigle) in my head...and how I desperately want to rescue this child. How I desperately want to rescue them all. But I’m not called to be their rescuer. I am called to be a shelter in the storm. A peace in the chaos. A soft place to land when they’re pushed from all they know.
As I lay my head down tonight I am praying this song over “Little one” knowing that the creator of the universe sees. He hears the SOS and he will send his army to fight in the darkest night.
You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You're not defenseless
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your armor
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you
I hear the whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper, you have nothing left
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you
Oh, I will rescue you
**Please hear my heart...if you don’t think foster care is for you, I get that. It’s ok. I will never try to talk you into it because we aren’t all called to it. But if you’ve been on the fence, it’s time to jump. These children need us. It’s hard and it’s ugly at times, but you will never be sorry you opened your heart and loved bigger than you knew you were capable.
**written by Erin Wainwright, local foster mom, chaos coordinator, coffee connoisseur and Jesus follower